#and have to subject everybody to them
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Please feel free to share all the thoughts on the football babies au! ALL THE THOUGHTS 😂😂😂 I’m so invested
ALL THE THOUGHTS??? oh boy. welp. Since You've Given Me Permission............ jk jk. i won't subject you all to ALL of my thoughts i am not that cruel. but! i have been thinking Very Much about the kiddo dynamics of it all and now i'm going to detail those dynamics via alien conspiracy theories.
moe is, as we've established, the dirt-eating worm kid who is absolutely convinced the government is hiding aliens in arizona and constantly attempts to blackmail ted into taking him to the sonoran desert to find Proof.
colin and isaac are unimpressed because they are 9 years old and three quarters minus one month which means they are Too Mature to believe in aliens.
sam and jamie are. uncertain. as to what exactly aliens are, really. but they do some very Intensive Research on the topic (pester roy until roy is aggravated into a thorough explanation) and come to the conclusion that moe MUST be right, there MUST be aliens in arizona, and they MUST be lonely and in need of friends.
("the aliens are not your fucking friends," roy says, head in his hands. "this is how abductions happen. you think they're your friends and then they fucking beam you up into fucking space and you're never heard from again."
"but roy," says jamie, gravely, "we gots ice cream! the aliens'll be our friends 'cause everyone likes ice cream!")
and so ted and roy are caught in an endless game of This is Why Aliens Are Bad For You, Actually. colin and isaac are soooo over it. moe keeps hiding little knick-knacks around the park and then telling sam and jamie they're gifts from the benevolent alien overlords from above. eventually the alien discussions die down.
and then moe learns about the denver international airport.
#sorry sometimes i have a lot of thoughts abt kiddos and alien conspiracy theories#and have to subject everybody to them#ted lasso#jamie tartt#moe bumbercatch#roy kent#sam obisanya#colin hughes#isaac mcadoo#football kiddos au#sid speaks
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oh no, I love them
(super quick doodles done between other stuff, there will be better things later I promise :')
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#spoilers spoilers spoilers#me when the shroudparents walk in: what. why. what is this.#me thirty seconds late: never mind they are AMAZING#i mean yeah idia kind of offhandedly mentioned it way back when#in episode 6 when he was like 'my parents have to wear special equipment to deal with the debilitating effects of the curse'#'and to hide their identities as a french electronic synth-pop duo' I GUESS#no no it's okay. mrs shroud you are kind of insane and i love you#GROUP HUG EVERYBODY!!!!!#mr shroud you put up with a lot but somebody's gotta remember to do the paperwork#daft punk bert and ernie is the best possible dynamic for them#and THEY LOVE THEIR ROBOT SON#i'm so happy for ortho#(hovering around the subject of dreamworld ortho. ...we'll get to that)#man though now that i know what they're like#when idia busted in to show them how he built himself a replacement brother#mrs shroud was probably just like 'this is exactly what i would have done. let mama give you some pointers on joint mechanics'#i know i'm in the minority on genuinely unironically loving overblot idia#(YES he's weird but it's a weird i'm into!)#i am DELIGHTED by the design parallels. he looks like his dad!#but with his mom's ears!#ah it's so good
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“Isn’t it weird that we don’t use cell phones in our dreams”
That’s not weird. What’s weird is that we cannot READ in our dreams. What the fuck is with that. We don’t talk about this enough - it’s so spooky.
#these are twitter thoughts but Twitter is dead so now I subject yall to them#honestly that probably explains why you don’t use your phone in dreams - you can’t read anything on it longer than a sentence#i have talked to so many people about this and they all report back the same:#If you try to actually read something in a dream instead of automatically ~absorbing~ the info#you can’t get past a maximum of a few words before losing the ability to understand what you’re looking at#even ppl who are VERY visual thinkers/dreamers cannot read in their dreams#interesting that literacy does not make the cut for dream brain access#but maybe that’s a sample bias? everybody go to sleep and try to actually read the words of any text you see.#then report back#shut up e#queuing this at 11am to post at 1am to hit with the right crowd (people awake at 1am on a Tuesday)
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i liked the part when he
#qkdraws#i was gonna finish the caption but . i felt that conveyed enough#spoilers for pkmn sv from here on out in the tags ->#i have yet to rechallenge the gyms but i've done everything else and like . FUCK i rly enjoyed this game#rly close to completing the dex as well . just have a handful of pokemon only available through trades to get#pokemon#pokemon sv#pkmn#pkmn sv#pokemon scarlet and violet#arven pokemon#pokemon arven#i rly rly loved the story in this game. one of the best pkmn stories imo#and i ?? rly liked that they kinda went different routes w cliches#like . everybody assumed director clavell would be the twist villain but he's actually Really good and caring#went out of his way and above and beyond to figure out why students joined team star or dropped out of school#even Disguising himself as a student (poorly .) to see Why instead of just . scolding them uselessly#idk i thought the subject of bullying was handled rly nicely . Surprisingly nicely for the franchise this is from#AND the fact that the ''evil ai'' wasn't ''evil'' at all . it was trying to help and break through its programming to preserve the region#im sure that's not the first time that's been done but !! it's refreshing to see the robot Not be evil GVEIYAGV#and ARVEN ??I . I I III. I .what do ieven say#he'sso good#wails abt him for hours
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“Damian’s eyes are green like Talia’s” neither of them have green eyes…
#Damian’s eyes are blue…Talia’s eyes are brown…and sure colorists can be inconsistent with how they colorize characters of color#but they still get those colors consistently enough AND the official dc character sheets list those eye colors for them…#damian wayne#talia al ghul#like ok occasionally a comic panel shows green eyed Talia but I can also show you panels of blue eyed or gray eyed talia. and esp brown eyed#Damian had blue eyes from his first appearance. he too gets subjected to inconsistent colorization but they still say he’s got blue eyes#brown eyed Damian I could get but green eyed Damian makes little sense outside fanon#being an al ghul or around Lazarus pits does not actually give you green eyes everybody…#anyway#heroesriseandfall#if being around Lazarus pits gave you green eyes than Bruce would probably have green eyes by now lol#Ra’s al ghul’s green eyes don’t even seem to come from the pit considering they show him with green eyes in his backstories before the pit#‘then why does he have green eyes if he’s Chinese-Arab’ because they didn’t and still often don’t know how to design characters of color ig
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the amount of love my cousins show me is inversely proportional to the amount of hatred I do not show them
#‘showing it’ is the term#THEYRE OBSCENELY RICH ZND SUCCESSFUL AND EVEYONE LIKES THEM AND THEY HAVE ACTIVE SOCIAL LIVES AND GOOD JOBS OR SCHOOLS AND ARE ALWAYS KIND A#ND TAKE CARE OF OTHERS AND ARE NEVER SUBJECTS TO COMPLAINS AND ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS AND POST THEIR PERFECT LITTLE LIFE FOR EVERYONE TO S#SEE IN A WAY THAT MAKES ME RELATE TO THAT ONE OLIVIA RODRIGO SONG#NO FEAR OF THE FUTURE NO ANXIETY NO DEPRESSION NOT A SINGLE FEELING OF BEING INADEQUATE AND THE ONE TIME ONE PF THEM FAILED SOMETHING IT WAS#ACTUALLY BENEFICIZL FOR THEM AND EVERYBODY WAS FIALING ANYWAY SO THEY WERE STILL IN TOUCH WITH THEIR FRIENDS GROUP AND THEY CANT DO ANYTHING#WRONG AT ALL. I ODNT KNOW IF I WISH I WERE THEM OR IF I WISH THEY DIDNT EXOST#tw bitterness#depression posting
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𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲 & 𝐯𝐮𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲
I couldn't stop thinking about this today, so I had to finally write it up, but recently I found a meme that jokingly stated something along the lines of “I cannot stop moving or doing things or I will spiral into a pit of despair” and it made me think of Luffy and specifically his lack of ever talking about his past or how he really feels about things.
Luffy is both a character that has so many expressions and feelings, but can also be one of the least expressive. He actively shows all forms of excitement and joy, and he isn’t opposed to showing a fierce anger either, but something that doesn’t come out as often is his sadness, grief, and despair. And even less so is his willingness to ever talk about the moments in his life that have caused those feelings. His heart is open to taking in friends and their pain and past as it comes, but it is almost entirely closed when it comes to letting others help with his own past burdens.
The straw hat captain doesn’t like to dwell on anyone's past, this is evident from the first saga in the East Blue when he does his best to meet Nami where she is at, rather than prodding her for information about who she is. That information comes out on its own, because other people tell him despite saying he doesn’t care. But possibly the stem of this: Luffy doesn’t like to think about his own past.
It’s not so much that he won’t talk about his feelings regarding things from his past or tell people about it, it’s that he actively will not allow himself to have those sorts of feelings or even think about these things. He fills his time awake doing anything and everything, pushing himself to be actively thinking about something else in the moment, whether that’s food, playing games, being in the presence of his friends, taking care of and protecting people from their problems, fighting, etc. Luffy cannot stop moving or doing things, because if he does he will inevitably fall into a dark mental spiral. So whether actively or subconsciously, he chooses to live in the moment and only look ahead to the future. The rare moments when he does snap and break and panic or wail are moments when he is forced to face the truths he is doing his best to push deep down.
Knowing this, yes, it will be very rare for writing on this blog to include Luffy exploring his emotions on situations without heavy plotting beforehand. He is a closed book who would rather pretend that everything is fine – which to some degree is what he honestly believes. As long as he has his friends and loved ones, he believes there’s no reason to dwell on the sadness or pains of the past, so unless something is going horribly wrong in the moment, he genuinely thinks he’s fine, that everything is fine, and there isn’t any reason to not be happy.
At least, that’s the lie he tells himself.
EDIT: I found where it's from gdi, it's Chris Traeger's line from Parks and Rec
#this got longer than I expected#but it's been eating away at my brain#and now I subject you all too it#if there are typos ignore#❝ i’m going to become king of the pirates! ❞ — v: main#❝ i have to be stronger than everybody else…or else i’ll lose them all! ❞ — headcanons
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very minor thing I still definitely deserve a medal for:
being raised catholic, and now as an adult repeatedly falling in love with characters that fandoms like to declare catholic, but still managing to reject those headcanons because at heart I'm too much of a stickler for accurate analysis to get behind them when i know the person in question is really meant to be anglican/episcopalian/whatever other flavor of christian
i am being, as the poets say, so brave about it
#i dont wanna list examples bc this is just a lil vent post im not looking to make this pop up in any tags & insult anybody#bc tbh some of the worst offenders are absolutely top-tier favorite characters of mine with woefully small fandoms#& the LAST thing i wanna do is be rude about or discourage anyone who posts about/writes for/discusses them#just because i happen to have trouble getting on board with one part of their analysis.#but it does amaze me that this Keeps happening#talk about resisting temptation#& for the record when i say 'raised catholic' i do not just mean christmas and easter catholic okay#im talking 'college was the first time in my life religion wasnt a required subject' catholic#'virtually everybody i knew as a teen went to different single-sex high schools' catholic#horrible uniforms. strict nuns. classes interrupted for masses for even the minor holidays. joined choir for something to do-catholic#as an adult i still have friends & acquaintances who work in/for churches type-catholic#my mom actively tries to hide rosary beads & scapulars in my bags & car every time i come home catholic#(i dont even think most people know what scapulars ARE for christ's sake! & if they think they do they're probably picturing the wrong one#meanwhile i've got a routine list of hiding spots to check for them before driving away)#my point is.#if it made even a scrap of sense for any of these characters to actually be catholics trust me i'd be the FIRST one saying so#bc i know i could write the SHIT out of all the angsty repressed queer guilt religious trauma stuff everyone's drawn to it for#that's like the very least i could get out of having been up to my eyeballs in it for the first two decades of my life#but 99% of the time it just doesn't track w/ what we know about them at all im sorry.#im sorry your moodboard yearns for stained glass saints#im sorry your fic hinges upon a flashback to a certain sacrament#but im just not buying it
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School is draining any small motivation I had for art
or creativity in general
(tw: I got pretty much depressive in the tags but I needed to dump this somewhere and this may not be the best place but is where I feel better talking about my problems or insecurities, so feel free to ignore)
#vent in the tags#tw vent#i'm tired#and I hate that I'm tired#everytime I try to finish education is worst than the last time. my head can't take any sort of information from the class#no matter how many times they try to explain me or how many times I read and reread the same text#I can't focus. I can't memorize anything. I'm just sitting there in the classroom waiting for the 4 hours to finish to go back home#and spend the rest of the night just doing nothing. staring at the walls or doomscrolling till I have to go to bed and wake up again#for another day of fighting against an stupid anxiety attack in class because I'm going to fail this again#I hate school. I fucking hate it. the most boring stressing overwhelming way of learning#having the teacher talk for 1-2 hours straight and the student listening the whole time not saying anything is stupid#it's so fucking stupid they only want them to be mindless sheeps that only listen#because if you say anything 'no. you're wrong. I'm the teacher and I know better' fucking bullshit#this system is bullshit#and how am I supposed to study a whole school year of history. biology. math etc in less than 4 months??#everybody was like#'oh it's just 4 months and you'll be out of school!' 'in 4 months you'll get the education!' 'you can finish this in just 4 months!'#I fucking can't! I can't do this in such short time! I can't. focus. on 6. subjects at the same time. my brain can't!#and it's so fucking depressing. I have 4 opportunities to finish this. the longest it could take me is 2 years#I could just focus on 1 or 2 things each time but if I fail too many times I won't have another opportunity like this ever again#and I won't be able to finish highschool education and I. just. can't.#I'm tired of giving my biggest effort and not being enough. I'm tired of getting no satisfaction from any achievement I get#I hate so many things right now#and I have a lot more things in my head right now but I better shut up#you don't have to comfort me. it's ok. I'm not searching for confort. I just needed a place to dump my frustration or something#idk#you can ignore this#I might delete this later
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those small jokes and jabs some people will make at you when you’re friends with them like. they just wear me down so much. like I could have a face up for multiple hours and be relatively fine and then they could start doing that (like. I mess up slightly and they make a joke at my expense, or someone points out something I’m sensitive about for a joke, or someone makes a joke where the punchline is “hey you seem like you’re barely holding in your emotions) all of a sudden it’s nine times the work to be out and social without acting like a total dick (shooting back with something that plays on their insecurities as well so they sill stop pressing me) or having to leave because I’m about to break down, which is incredibly embarrassing and makes me feel like I’m just making a show so other people will feel guilty (not that I’m worried they will feel guilty, I’m worried they will think I will want them to feel guilty and that they will see me as lesser for that instead). “get something you’re fine with people joking about so they will make jokes about that and it won’t hit you as hard” why are you entitled to being able to make jokes at my expense? maybe I don’t want you to make fun of me at all!
#actually npd#anything I can perceive as criticism#also when you're in that state and people will like. go easy on you or make consolations so you feel better#that makes me feel SO MUCH WORSE#like just fucking treat me normal and I'll calm down#no 'hey are you ok?? you seem really wound up :(' in front of EVERYBODY#and I'll have to either fake good enough to be able to convince the others I'm fine (which is impossible#bc it's in their heads that you're not fine and at that point you probably don't have a good enough face to fool everybody)#or I'll take a jab at them like 'really? i seem wound up? gosh! you have amazing observational skills. someone needs to get you a medal!'#which subtly tells them to DROP THE SUBJECT#bc if you don't I'll CONTINUE BEING RUDE TO YOU#no but sometimes that also doesn't work and they keep pressing and that's when I have to step away or bluntly change the subject#and then i also hold a grudge against them for doing so when they were probably just concerned about my well-being#they just didn't get the (albeit relatively obvious) social cues#that's not their fault but it is also incredibly annoying in the moment bc it is causing me to continue spiraling#a bit of a vent#also merry christmas#me when i
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actually, you know what ? im glad my ex gf ghosted me, i dodged a bullet it seems
#this was two years ago and just a few months ago i started getting over it#on the one hand yeah it fucking SUCKS i wish i had had some type of warning instead of radio silence suddently from one day to the other#on the other i was ready to move to texas (me: poc queer fem presenting nd bitch) and was looking seriously jobs over there#and like- i fucking HATE the usa but she was really scared about leaving the states to come to europe- so i was willingly to travel there to#be with her and not put her through that (ive been traveling since childhood so im used to it- but she has certain mental stuff going on and#taking her away from her family and her childhood city was going to be really tough- of course i'd sacrifice my life for hers)#and like im so sorry to everybody who is stuck in the usa right now bcs ur country is treating yall so poorly i feel genuinely bad#but as someone who was planninh to work over there as a teacher..... IM SO FUCKING GLAD I DONT HAVE TO SET FOOT THERE 😭#every single thing i hear about the education system there seems hellish- as well as the teachers' conditions and wages#like over here its not all rainbows and flowers but at least i dont have to worry about school shootings or getting fired for recommending#books from a banned list 💀#ESPECIALLY as a poc latino queer linguistics and literature teacher- i'd love to talk to students about a big range of things- i cannot#imagine having to censor myself or dance around a subject becs “kids are too dumb to understand queerness” “youre trying to groom them”#“dont brainwash em you commie” like ma'am im trying to help your child develop basic empathy and respect for those who dont look like them#like i hear some serious worrying stuff from teachers over there i hope u guys are holding up somehow 😭😭😭#anyways idk how the phrase in english goes but in spanish we say cuando dios cierra una puerta- abre una ventana#(<- trying to look for the positive in getting ghosted by the girl of their dreams)#its fine guys anyways#yeah that was the first LD relationship ive ever had- never trying that again#also i found out im arospec so im definitely not getting into a romantic relationship lmfaoooooo#only QPRs for me now if anything lol#vanya strawberry flavored
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having 19 notifications in my inbox this morning terrified me since i brought up racism and transphobia in my posts yesterday and i was like oh no did i fuck something up
#will talks whatever#look i know everybody’s allowed to have an opinion and bring it to the table no matter how they identify#but as a white cis gay boy#the only subject i truly feel comfortable talking about is homophobia cuz it’s something i’m actually directly impacted by#it obviously still feels gross seeing racism/transphobia/misogyny etc#but speaking on it feels a lot harder since i’ll never know firsthand what it’s like to be impacted by them
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I'm in so much pain it's embarrassing. I'm going to look back on these memories of me writhing alone too afraid to sleep biting my knuckles crying about nothing and laugh.
#It's not nothing but it kind of breaks the rhythm and sound repetition to rephrase it as ptsd nightmares dunnit#Okay so the good thing is I am no longer emotionally constipated.#The bad thing is now I can cry and also I haven't felt joy and safety in forever 😐😐#You'd think work would distract me but no! Just sitting in barn staring at horses biting each other and thinking holy shit I'm depressed#I'm so broken that while I was crying last night I felt an urge to go to my parents' room and cry to them#Like holy shit what is wrong with me#No amount of possible comfort from my dad is worth the screaming and disgust from my mom#We had a 'talk' about my mental health aka me avoiding the subject entirely and them going yep you are fine and also you're disgusting#Shave your legs you're making everybody sick and that's why you have no friends#But I did bring up the possibility of me needing to see a psychiatrist#Because of you know the ptsd#But as always they were like 'you were at that school for three months cmon it couldn't have changed your life'#Woman. Sir. I was 12 my brain was still new and I was just gaining sentience#And as soon as I became my own person I get held to a chair and beaten up like in a fuckin gangster movie#Forced to get naked in a room with hateful little girls laughing at me for getting beat up#Who all think I'm a dangerous predator lesbian who's going to kidnap them despite being 12 and 4'8 and#those little girls talked about how they wish their hot stepbrothers would touch them#But I was the predator because I had short hair :(( ?????#It's always my fault for getting beaten up and my fault for people wanting me dead and being disgusted with my existence#I was beaten up because I was annoying I was s/a'd because I was ugly I was abandoned because I was and am repulsive#Man#Fuck the guy who said he would rescue me from this and didn't. I'm not just magically not being abused now that I don't talk to you anymore#In fact it's so much worse enduring abuse when you don't have any friends to talk with or escape to isn't it!!! That's weird huh!!!!!!
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i think it's funny how in my ship* playlists, their "sound" is largely based off of what i'm into at that moment. like for example, when i made my Macdennis playlist: lots of power pop / garage (The Exploding Hearts, Pansy Division, Peach Kelli Pop, etc.) and also Hannigram: industrial for the most part (Zeromancer, Snake River Conspiracy)
*this also goes for character playlists, but those are a mix of my current interests + my personal headcanons (example: Mac's playlist having The Exploding Hearts and The Vapors because to ME: he is a little (wannabe) punk bitch (like me!).)
#i'm feeling talkative atm ! i had some caffeine :-)#unfortunately i tinker with my playlists quite a bit because i want to have good sounds with lyrics that are related to the subject#if i put too much thought into what is added i end up putting a lot of things that work lyrically. but not necessarily sound-wise.#i'm sure making a rule that their main sound is xyz puts me in some sort of hole. but i like it because the headcanons r good#anyway! that is all for now :D#in other news i hope to draw something soon that i can show everybody ! making art is fun n i miss it#okay byebye for now#tunes!!#i am inclined to tag this as hannigram n macdennis. but am unsure because i just mention them briefly#oh well!#chatterboychattergirl#<- because this is a lot of talking for no real reason other than i like to talk
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Trying not to have an anxiety attack about having to Once again assume my role as the only out lesbian cousin amongst a group of hyper religious, ultra conservative, straight female family members tomorrow
The stuff of nightmares
#just repeating I am adequate on a loop in my head#but for real! It wouldn’t be so bad if everybody didn’t tiptoe around the subject#and honestly I feel like I have nothing in common with them and we are just strangers who meet up occasionally Cuz… Reasons…#nostalgia? Because they still have fondness for who they thought I would be but never quite managed to be? I don’t know.#either way not looking forward to it#and then I feel bad about not looking forward to it because I genuinely care about everyone
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I wish I was relevant, so I could be treated like a human being.
#companies fix problems in a blink of an eye when you expose them in the internet#but people only care about companies fucking you if youre relevant#everybody is so full of opinion and they never shut up#but youre listened when youre a relevant talker about specific subjects#people talk over you#unless youre a influencer#if youre famous you have enough moneh for going to a doctor or paying a lawer#or food or hobbies#youre only allowed to have fun if you have the money#youre only allowed to be a being if you have money#you only matter if someone knows who you are#and im so tired tired tired#im studying everyday#im trying to build a portifolio#just so I can work somewhere i dont hate#so i can pay medicine#or simple things#and it sounds so impossible to me that I think is easier to find a plot of land and rot there#because my job will be made by AI soon#so why bother#soon ill be a crazy person on the internet#like filthyfrank#ill give my body to the internet worms#ill be a spetacle#late stage capitalism#vent post#tw vent#i wrote rent instead of vent#i think it works#rent
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